Home is where the heart is

I'm walking down the street , happy to be travelling again. I am smiling at strangers passing by , it's a perfect day.

''WHAT?????'' says this angry man in a thick french regional accent from the North East of France ( try to mix Swiss and Belgian accent. Yep, that's it. Sexy huh)

'' What are you laughing at me for?'' he says.

Damn. I'm in Vesoul.

I was back in my Hometown. In France. That's where I was travelling to this time.

Easy to forget. When I board a plane I always think I'm going away to some exotic, far away countries.

No. This time it was a 45 minutes Easy Jet flight From Gatwick to Basel.

You know , easy Jet. You're only allowed one hand luggage if you don't want to pay 15 quid to check your bag in. So obviously you stuff everything in a tiny backpack and hide everything else under your jacket while confidently smiling. Coffee was expensive , in 3 different currencies. ( you've got to love Europe)

Yes , I was back home after 1 year of travelling around creating new homes for myself.

France. Where all your problems , worries and defaults have only one source . Sarkozy.

We have no money. Blame Sarkozy

Our job sucks. Sarkozy.

The weather is crap. You know who to blame.

God , who are we going to blame once we finally get rid of him next year......

So I could just have walked away from that guy I was smiling to.

No. I decided to stop and explain that smiles are free ( can you blame the president for that?)

I caught myself having a slight British accent while saying that.

Against all odds the guy smiled back and said thanks.

And probably thought :
'' Fucking Roast beefs ( that how we call the Brits around here) why can't they stay Home'' but anyway , that was a slight victory.

I thought I was in culture shock but I had not been to the town hall yet.

'' What do you want''

I loved her already. Smile Annabelle, your destiny is at stake.

'' I wish to apply for a new passport please''

'' Proof of address, pictures, 80 Euro''

'' Nice to meet you , I'm fine and you?''

No , I did NOT say that. I really wanted my passport.

I don't think she would have bought my ''citizen of the world living everywhere'' philosophy. SO I had to say it :

'' I live with my mum and dad''

And yes, my mum was at the back , waving. It totally made her day. She overplayed it.

The woman looks at me with full on pity

'' Age?''

'' I as born in 1979'' I say with a smile. hoping that the crowd of people present that day would not bother to do the maths.

One day , citizen of the world will conquer. I thought. One day , people will realize that Home is where the heart is. It's not a damn building in a country that you think you belong to.

'' 8 days. Bye''

8 days? Great! it's not like I'm leaving back home to England in 7 days.... Right? But that, I did not tell her either. You have better chances to rely on luck than french bureaucracy.

I had better things to do. Enjoy a week of pure delight as a french princess ( I 'm an only child. My 3 favorite words are Dinner is ready. Enough said about that.)

I saw my whole family too. In France Family gatherings usually involve loads of food. and wine. And time eating.

4 hours , 3 bottles of wine later they were all busy chatting about what they would cook for Xmas lunch. Yes I did try to take interest.

Until someone asked me THE question.

'' And you Annabelle, what's your plan for Christmas''
My mum gave me a '' It's to early to talk about that , they're not ready '' threatening look

'' Autralia! I always dreamt of a Hot Xmas ''

Everyone stopped eating to look at me.

'' I think snails would be awesome for your Christmas Dinner'' I say to my aunt trying to change the subject.

No, they don't understand my life. And Yes , I start doubting myself. I might still be in my late teens. And absolutely NOT down to Earth.

There I was , drunk, trying to explain that just like they feel at Home in their House, I feel at Home when I'm travelling. And all of a sudden they got it.

'' We'll buy your book'' they end up telling me between Fromage and dessert.

I felt that I was at home with these people. My family. It felt really good. ( no it was not just because of the wine)

Home is where the heart is.

Second big food marathon : My annual Thanksgiving dinner with my best friends.
There again were conversations I was not used to. Building houses, changing nappies.

Yes Aunty Annabelle is still single and hanging out with a thousand people from different countries in a backpackers hostel in England.

They nicely call me '' L'Hirondelle'' ( the sparrow) because I build a nest everywhere I go although I never stay long.

Home is where the heart is.

And my best friends ARE my home too. So I tried my best to talk about nappies and they answered back telling me about this documentary they ve seen about Bangkok on TV the other day.

'' I'll create your book cover'' says one of them , crazy about new technologies.

It's good to be Home.

'' I've seen you in the paper last Summer. Is it true that you're travelling all by yourself to countries like Thailand and that? I could not take that risk.'' says the bar tender as I order yet another tiny and horribly strong coffee ( I did not miss french coffee by the way)

"I could not buy a bar like you did. Just could not take that risk'' I answer with a smile , hoping for a free coffee. Never happened.

Yes, mate we all take risks.


I still feel a bit of teenager. People tell me that you need A LOT of money if you want to go traveling. Just in case this and that happen. How about health insurance, That's a crazy idea not to think about those details. You need to be a little scared right.

Damn I did not think about that before....

I check my bank balance. It's okay........... It's just the MINUS in front of the number that worries me a bit...... OH MY GOD. Panic. What if I don't have my passport in time , what if I can't afford ..... What if I'm never a professional writer ????

FUCK I'M CRAZY.


Monday morning. I'm leaving in 4 hours. Still no passport. I decide to go and see my friend at the town hall.

'' Maiden name?''
'' Same as my name''

I M A CITIZEN OF THE WORLD!!! I was shaking.

''Yes, it's here''.

That's when I started crying tears of joy. Out loud.

Home is where your heart is. And my passport IS my home too.

I go back Home to Brighton that night and stopped at my favorite backpackers hostel. We were so happy to see each other again that we gathered in a group chatting about our recent traveling experiences

'' Parisians are nicer than in Fucking Quebec'' says our favourite 61 year old Aussie

MI5 shows me pictures of Copenhagen where he was for the week end.

Another one was proud to announce that he worked for 2 whole hours this week .
And we all ended up saying our favorite sentence when it comes to our future

'' I don't know''

Yes, this place is full of sparrows. Like me. It's our home for now. Before we take other unreal risks to go build a nest elsewhere.

Home is where the heart is.

We just need do what it takes to create our Home.

Because It's so worth it.

Who wants to be a millionaire?

Ah the meaning of Life. yeah that one.

We all wonder what the hell that is. don't we? ( yes you too. You just don't remember. You were too drunk.

It must be different for everyone right.

Like that grown woman guest who s walking around the hostel talking to her teddy bear ( it s not that that bothered out dear night receptionnist Totoro the most. It's when she wanted to cook her special meal at 2.20AM)

Yeah Life must have a different meaning for her.

We were wondering the other day for breakfast with my '' fellow travellers in limbo''
So we asked the next best thing to God. The I phone 4.

Yes you can talk to your phone now. To people on the phone? NO. To YOUR phone.

Asking questions to a Robot phone is WAY less weird than talking to a teddy bear these days.

Yes, Life has a different meaning for everyone.

My friend MI5 just asked his I phone 4 '' What's the meaning of Life? ''
( Why MI5? Because he just gave up trying to explain what he was doing in Life to his family so he told them he was working for MI5)

I still think he does for REAL.

Apart from the obvious answer of 42 ( Read ''the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy'') the I phone 4 Had no clue.

We're going to have to figure that one out by ourself. Even Tesco self check out machines won't tell you.

Because Life must mean something different to each and everyone of us.

The other day I show up to work with my hair done ( that's how girls call '' Give your hair a third degree burn'' ... right?) ,with make up on and very nervous.

'' How do I look ?'' I say to my colleagues.

They all had the '' OMG she's going on a date'' look .

Oh no.Not that AGAIN. She will 1/ have a 2h relationship before she freaks out and end it 2/ think for a whole month that the guy is held hostage in Turkmenistan when he's just not willing to call back. ( By the way I 'm still sure that spanish guy needs my help)

No I was not going on a date ( I can hear your sigh of relief from here)

I was going to have my picture taken for my new passport.

And us ,travellers , we take our passport seriously. It's like home.
What would I save first from a building on fire? My passport.
What would I bring on a deserted island with me? My passport.

After taking a million shots I was not happy with , the photographer, trying hard to NOT lose patience ends up telling me :

''you know , we all look crap in our passport picture''
and charged me 8 quid for the worst picture of the Universe.

Life must have meant something different to him too.

My Life was critical. I will look like shit on my new passport.For 10 WHOLE YEARS. Drama.

On the bright side, even if I look like crap after a long flight I will STILL look better than in my passport picture. SORTED. Happy again.


Of course we figured that Life must be about being rich. Since we're all broke.
Because in Life , apparently you either have to be realistic ... or loaded.

Somewhere between the end of school and your third job enters you randomly start thinking :

'' Be realistic. Life is not like in the movies''

It's fine when you're a kid to want to be an astronaut or believe in Santa. You can do whatever you want and be whoever you want.

Then , somewhere along the line you suddenly stop thinking that and start thinking about being realistic. Unless you're freaking loaded and THEN you can do what you want.

Mmmmmm ... what ?

So we started to want to play Euromillion.Of course we NEVER actually played. Why? Because we'd have the same freaking life if we won. We would just stop worrying about money all the time.

Where else in the world could we hear broke people having the following conversation:

'' I'm going to France next week so I won't see you for a bit'' I say to my friends at the hostel.
'' I'm going to Paris for the week end'' says one
'' Me too we should meet! '' says an other one
'' Off to Copenhaguen'' MI5 adds.
'' Okay guys , have a good time , see you next week!''
And Dwight who just got back from Prague.

And that's just a normal everyday conversation in Kipps Brighton.

Who needs to be a freaking millionaire when you can be broke and unrealistic and do it anyway ?

Yes, Life has a different meaning for everyone.

Then I read a book called ''the 4 hour work week'' By Timothy Ferriss.

and when I read ‎'' living like a millionaire requires doing interesting things and not just owning enviable things'' it all clicked.

You know, the meaning of Life and everything. It's about being freaking Happy. Yay!

Do what you find deeply exciting. Get unrealistic and do things you love.
The fear? No mate, it will NEVER go away.

The barriers you build for yourself ? They probably will.

The other day I was so excited to finally have bought my phone a SD card ( that I could not afford) I went in town at 7am to take random pictures to share with the world ( aka Facebook)
For some reason this picture ''talked'' to many people. They could just read my excitment. When you do what you love, people love it too.

And Yes , I love waking up at 4am to write. So I just do it. It's 5am now.

Do what you love as often as you can. And it's very likely that the rest of the time.... You will love what you do. And also respect that what other people love can be different but equally as important.

That's how I got talking to my guest's teddy bear the other morning. Gulliver. That was his name. How cool to have someone named Gulliver in a backpackers hostel.

Life is too short to be small.

And that , mate , is worth millions.

'' Trust in God and keep your powder dry''

Yes it's been a while dear readers.

I usually write a post when I learn a lesson in life ,like a cheap psychotherapy with the coolest shrinks ever ( you). This time, the lesson took a while to be learnt. About 3 weeks actually.

Damn Am I that slow.

I discovered the term ''life lessons'' while traveling. Obviously.

When you're traveling you absolutely have no idea what you're doing or where you're going next. So you write about what you DID. Because that's the only you can be sure of. So ,obvisouly you learn a lot.

You spend your time out of comfort zone, not knowing. But you still do stuff anyway and follow this little voice inside you that some people call intuition. Other people call it God . Sorry mate , no offense but i will just call it ''the traveller's voice'' okay?

When you don't think that you and your little ego know better, you follow your traveller's voice.

When I followed my traveler's voice it was always very random and always for the best. That's how I found a job in a cafe in Australia and moved in with a stranger who became my best friend over there, that's how , in Thailand I followed a 61 year old British guy to a hotel in the middle of nowhere. We almost became family to each other after a few hours.

My favorite random moment was when we went riding pink bikes waving at Thai kids in some random village. No ,we had no idea where we were . That's why we were happy.

How random is that. My traveller's voice is so much cooler than me. I , personally would have never done that!

That's why we miss traveling so much when we stop . It's not because of the Eiffel Tower, Sydney Harbour or Air Asia dinners. Because when we stop traveling we usually stop listening to our traveller's voice.

And we start thinking that WE know better.

My first 2 months back in my normal life in Brighton were great ( yes, i'm aware that normal and Brighton don't really go together well) .

I was still listening to my traveller's voice most days and really appreciated Life for what it really was. Fun and unpredictable.

That's how I ended up getting to know the guests at the hostel, hang out with them ( because they're not just guests they are REAL people too). That's how I made a meditation buddy and convinced a guy from the South of France to stay in England ( How random is that???)
and do silly things such as dating an old friend or make out with a complete stranger in a french restaurant in Brighton. Yeah. The Spanish dude. That one.

I was probably having too much fun. Life was probably too easy. It's weird to NOT have real problems in your normal life right?

Or I thought I knew better.

Well anyway That's when I started to take my life into my own hands and stop listening to THE voice.

Of course I know better. Travelling voice? Overrated. I know MY life ,my routine , I live in it thank you.

That 's when it started going wrong. I was back in control.

1/ Spanish dude disappeared into thin air and never called back after that dinner I did not cook ( I still think he got kidnapped and is currently held hostage in a foreign country hoping I will find him one day and pay the ransom. Yes I started saving)

2/ I decided to do a 10day body detox to be fully in control of myself and my life. And I stopped everything that makes me who I am. Aka Coffee and booze.

'' You know it's not recommended to do a detox while you're working Annabelle?'' my friend said

'' I did it on a 10 day meditation retreat in Thailand, love. This one is going to be easy. Trust me , I know what I’m doing ''

Bloody French. How much more arrogant can you get.

I started thinking about suicide on Day 9. People at work did not know what to do to make me feel better.

'They even tried the ' Do you want to go for coffee?'' line. It made me cry even more. Thank you for your support anyway guys. Really appreciate it.

Day 10 I had 2 coffees . My heart still remembers it.

Day 11 I got massively drunk ( 1 pint and a half) and I felt free again. When you are drunk you tend to hear THE voice better (until you ve had too much and start destroying everything you ve ever had)

3/ I decided my job no longer fulfilled me. I would randomly cry feeling completely empty without any reason. In 2 weeks I got sent home twice. I may have lost my best friend's friendship and my workmates are asking how I feel every minutes. I think they even considered putting anti depressant in my coffee. Control over my Life 100%. Dignity left 2%

So no, this job was not for me anymore.

I was very sad.

And Of course my next shift was the best in my life, and I was such in a happy mood I even got told that I was a natural at the job.

Very Happy.

Who needs an inner voice when you have emotions that control you like a damn robot.

Getting out of bed in the morning was getting harder and harder. Life was getting more and more predictable in my own little head.

There is nothing worse than thinking you know how your day is going to unfold.

9 to 5 bed 9 to 5 bed.

Yep, it's the same Life I had a month ago. And yes, that's a different attitude.

I'm in control now.

Thankfully every now and then I had glimpses of ‘‘lucidity’’ and still had my random moments.

Thank God ( or Traveller’s voice)

Example? When I dressed up as a drunk zombie English girl for Halloween with Union Jack contact lenses ( how cool is that) and ended up pole dancing somewhere in Brighton.

Or when me and some friends went see some fireworks in Lewes on the occasion of Guy Fawkes night.

What is it? Even the Brits don’t know what they 're really celebrating on the 05th of November.

We asked the question to some random English drunks on the train and I loved the fact that they were confused over the reason why they were celebrating it. Was it was because the dude who tried to kill the King failed and the monarchy is still standing or were they celebrating because someone actually TRIED to kill the king…. That's a tough one mate.

So yeah. The 5th OF November is really random in the UK.

Random is really what I needed that night. After waiting 2 and half hour to get a train to Lewes , a quiet little village that expected only 40 000 people that night we get there.

Who is we? 5 Frenchies, 1 South African, 2 Aussies, 1 Spanish that I always call Pedro and it's absolutely not his name , poor guy and Brit who hasn’t realised he’s back home yet.

There we were, travellers in Limbo celebrating British monarchy drinking French beer.

Of course most our conversations were about travelling, non commitments and ever changing moods.

They still have no idea. Where they are going , What they are doing and what career might be good for them. But they knew how to enjoy each other’s company. That's what we learn at traveling school. The importance of being together in the moment( and not get married after )

The answer to most questions that night was '' I don't know mate, I don't know'' .

It suddenly felt like home.

I DON'T KNOW EITHER.

Relief.

10 minutes later I realised I was close to winning the gold medal of uncertainty.

Right before I '' lost my mind'' and took control of my life I had booked a single ticket to Australia on my credit card . For Xmas. Just like that... Crazy huh?

What I'll be doing after Xmas?

I don't know mate, I don't know....

Then I remembered. How good it is to NOT KNOW. No anticipation , no expectation.

FREEDOM.

Risky? Maybe. Still better than thinking you figured it all out though ( no anti depressant with my coffee thanks)

'' Trust in God and keep your powder dry''

That was what sign me and Dwight both saw at the same time in the crowd later that night. For some reason it made a lot of sense to us.

Be prepared and save your resources until they are needed.

And don’t think you’re in control .

Because you’re not.

Not really anyway.