Monday 22 August 2011

Material girl

So I get a tattoo with my last Australian dollars , book a flight to London via India with the Pounds I don't have yet, get lost in a capital city looking for a friend I' ve known for 12 days ( 10 of them were silent) and get drunk in trendy club trying to learn Brazilian from a random guy drinking Heineken.

And that's exactly when my local french newspapers decides to publish an article celebrating...MY life choices.

Will I ever stop laughing....

How did I end up speaking Bazilian in a club in Bangkok ? Oh yeah. That one.

I woke up in the monastery on my cement bad for the 22nd day in a row and that's when it came. Enlightenment.


WTF am I doing here. No I am NOT the spiritual creature I thought I was. I can't sit still for more than 8 minutes unless it involves writing or downloading pictures on Facebook. I know now that food is only fuel for the body but if I have rice and spicy veggies for breakfast one more time I go on strike.

I had to apologize to Buddha and to myself. Time to GET REAL.

2 choices. Live IN or OUT of society. Stay and start a nun degree . Or go back out there and start accepting

1/ Capitalism
2/ globalization
3/ wordly possessions
4/ people with money
5/ Money.

aka live in the 21st Century.

Now that's a mission.

I decide to take the night train to Bangkok to tell my 60 year old POM about the new material girl me.

I take the last seat. 366 Baht. ( a couple of pounds/ Euro/AUS dollars) A delight for your wallet. A bad omen for your comfort.

I can officially call myself a hardcore traveler after a 10h overnight trip sitting by a bag full or Durians ( they 're so smelly that they are even banned from Bangkok tube: '' No drink , no camera no Durians'' talking to coakcroches . The only ones who could understand english before the first Westerners got in half way through.

It's easy to get in or out, the exit doors stay open for the whole. trip. Enough to make any British health and safety inspector want to jump out and try to commit suicide . He could not really , the train is too slow ...

Hey , hoooooow uuuuu doin' ?

fuck. The only italian guy in the whole train had to be for me.
I 've been working on the '' I haven't had a proper shower or sleep for 3 weeks. How do you think I'm doing'' look so it
worked. And a french dude just called me '' Madame'' . Like i'm 30+ or something. What? I am? Shut up.

5.30am arrival in Bangkok. That Thai lady gives me a big hug that probably meant '' we got here safe , what a miracle'' .

Shower or breakfast. What would a material girl with a tight budget choose? Facebook that is!!

Of course Roy wants to meet me in Khao San road area ( aka tourist central ). Of course I ended up waiting for him all day standing next to Ronald Freaking Mac Donald after I sent him an '' Come and get me or I will die here'' email, watching drunken Aussie tourists walk past.

Of course we never met that day. I was on a different mission. I had to make my peace with Society. Accept the world as it is. At last....

So I had a chat with Ronald listening to Lady Gaga for a bit. Then I bargained my diner.
I walked passed a guy who was playing '' Imagine'' from Elton John. I stood there watching the crowd of tourists . ''Imagine there's no country...'' I almost cried mate. ( I did actually) .

And peace was made.

'' I'm not a nun so I decided to be a material girl'' I say to Roy when I finally meet up with him the next day.
'' Don't you have to be a virgin for that?'' He replied
'' Seriously I'm too up with the fairies. I was down to my last 40 dollars and did not even realize. Scared the shit out of me. I must be more materialistic''

You? Dream on.....

Try me. I drag him to the nearest tattoo parlor.

I've always wanted this tattoo but always thought it was useless. Now or never.
God did it hurt. The part when I ask the tattoo guy how many tattoos does HE have and he replied '' Me
? I don't have any, don't be silly'' was the most painful.

Where did I have it done. Mate come and see for yourself!
What does it say?

MADE IN FRANCE. It had to :)

Although Roy ad the tattoo guy had me on for 10 minutes telling me that they changed it to MADE IN ENGLAND and how much better it looked before they finally gave me a mirror.


How's that for the new material girl.

The same night I meet my Russian friend for her birthday. '' Are we going clubbing?'' I was going to say that I'm not into that you know that thing. But I made a promise to Buddha and Ronald . Material girl.

She looks at my clothes with a '' darling you can't decently wear that'' sort of look. She throws a sexy dress, a diamond bracelet and a Louis Vuitton bag. Now it's better.

People always tell me I'm brave to travel the world by myself. and that night for the first time, I felt that I really was.
Going clubbing with the hottest Russian girl who's celebrating her 25th birthday when you can't remember when was the last time you went to bed after midnight was, IS brave.

'' Hi I'm Kevin from USA'' that random drunk guy tells me in a thick Thai accent.
'' Greeeeeeat'' . I show him my tattoo. Because that's what you do in a club right? And run out of conversation.
''He liked you!'' My friend tells me.

So ..... you're saying that based on..... '' my name is Kevin I'm from the USA'' . Of course.

And he was fucking Thai anyway. How can that be the base of a good and honest one night stand ( is that how you call it?) What? Who cares about honest?

Where have I been the past 10 years. Give me one more beer.

'' You beer?'' says that Brazilian dude next to me. Wow. Drunk guys in clubs can read minds now. I'm impressed.

So I learnt Brazilian for a bit. and made everyone laugh on the dance floor. No I am REALLY trying to dance here.

'' your number?'' he tells me at 3 am. My friend was like ''go for it'' .
'' I do not own a phone'' was my answer. And I absolutely loved saying it.

Sorry Buddha, if I'm not completely a spiritual girl. And sorry Ronald I 'm not completely a material girl .

I think I will just have to be me then ......








Friday 19 August 2011

Just saving the world, Mate ....

Ah sleeping in a hotel room after 18 days of concrete mattress and scorpion hunts. It's the idea of heaven. Except when you break your back jumping on the bed because the actual mattress is as hard as a rock and the only TV channel available in English is fox news.

Imagine my face after almost 3 weeks of non information.
Meditate sister, meditate. Or eat an insane amount of coconut coated peanuts. Like I did. Because I can eat whatever I want ( school girl out of school attitude )
Mmmm showers..... me can't use showers. Of well, I used the bucket like good old times. God, it's time I get a life..... right ?

The next morning I ask reception for the bus station in English with a Thai accent. I feel less arrogant when I use the Thai accent.

'' I drive you'' said a random old guy who was there. Pouring down with rain so I said yes. A car would be very handy.
Of course it was not a car. He throws a helmet and a rain coat at me. '' you wait here''
A freaking scooter. What scares me more than not knowing where 'i'm going ? going there on a scooter.

I saw my life before my eyes during the 10 minutes crazy drive through town. I saw England , France , Australia and said I love you to everyone. Did you hear it ?

''50 baht please'' and I got ripped off. Nice.

I had the spiciest noddle in my whole life at 7am and got on a random bus doubting it would get me to my destination for 3hours59 minutes. It did.

Back to Buddha central , I had this strange feeling that I would not live here for ever.I still wanted to see myself saving the world with English monks forever. Drinking coffee. It seemed at the time to be the best idea ever.

'' I'm in Bangkok, when are you coming'' Roy my favorite pom abroad with no deadlock ( he told me to correct that. It probably is just dirty hair . haha. )
Emails me 2 days after leaving the retreat unexpectedly on day 10 ( I am still soooo mad at you. )

'' I live in the monastery now, shaving my head soon''

I won't tell you what he replied. There might be kids or nuns reading. British humour. God do I miss it haha.

I'm staying on my concrete mattress. Stuborn ? Me ? No, it just takes me a while longer to get it. That's all. Remember I'm french.

Just when I thought that saving the world from a Thai monastery was actually a job I decided to check my balance.
No. Not a job. My Facebook status says writer but no, not a job either. Not yet anyway. Yes, I know, one day I'll be j.k Rowling. Now I'm just Rowling.

So I had 2 choices. Shave my head and eat rice until the end of times. Or get out there and find a job for a while so I can go and save the world again later ( is that how it works nowadays?)

Let me think. All the jobs I love are volunteer jobs. Teaching English to Thai kids, work in a bed in breakfast in mount Burrell Australia, write blogs and articles for websites ......

If I go back to reality it might as well be worth it. What ? Volunteer jobs are not jobs ? Damn.

So there's only one job I love then. There's only one I ever loved.
There's that email in my inbox that's been sitting there for quite a while.... I should reply to this job offer... There are people I love there and around there ...... a lot of them.....
So I simply replied to the email.

Departure Bangkok airport 29th august 4.30pm. Arrival London Heathrow 30th August 7.30am .

Then ? It just hits you. That there is nothing to save or nothing to hide from. Because loving YOUR world is sometimes enough to change it.

Because the world where I come from is worth loving too ...

My name is Annabelle I'm french ( still) , I live in brighton, UK.

Monday 15 August 2011

Run for your Visa

Ever felt like Julia Roberts or Tom Cruise walking down the street ? I just have. That's why I thought I'd stop in a cyber cafe that still has a Xmas tree in the window to tell you. I am in a place called ... sorry just checking the name on my note pad... Yes it's called Ranong. In South West Thailand. You know , a genuine beautiful- Julia Robert look , not a I want- your- money- Julia Robert. Proud. Then I go back to my hotel room and double check. No , definitely not Julia. An exhausted sweaty pale skinned french woman who is still missing a piece of her front tooth. Damn. What were they thinking.

What am I doing in a hotel in South West Thailand when yesterday I was living in a monastery in South EAST Thailand. The beauty of traveling mate.
Wanna know the story? Okay then.

Life was sweet at the monastery. It was like a backpackers hostel with meditation Halls and Monks. No booze , just drink for thoughts aka holly water.
Me and some guys from the retreat stayed behind to really enjoy Holly Life before going back to ''Helly'' Life.
That 's how we ended up having long spiritual conversations over ( long missed) coffees at the little cafe in front.
That's how I met an awesome Dutch guy who has been cycling from his country . 7500 km so far. And an Aussie dude who lives in the Philippines and whose passion in life is to teach little Filipinos to skate board. And many others. We had great days talking about Life climbing mountains. We all wanted it to last forever. The Dutch guy left first. He wanted to cycle to Bangkok. 600km. As we were waving him good bye I said to the Aussie guy:

'' He 's awesome isn't he? By the way, what his name? The Aussie guy answered like in a trance '' I don't know Mate, I don't know''

Then he left too. Damn I forgot to ask his name.....

My friend Jenny from England gave me a wake up call from Hell.

'' Isn't your visa running out in 2 days?''

Damn. " That's fine I 'll just pop in and see Ken ( the retreat's coordinator) and he will tell me what to do for this visa run to Burma.

NB : Visa Run : Common name, singular . in every westerner who lives in Asia's mind. It usually happens every month or every 3 months if you're lucky or rich. It includes a ''Oh shit- no- that- again- feeling'' and a day return to the nearest neighboring country so get a stamp out and a stamp back in.

'' Ken left Koh Samui'' I was told when I tried to get hold of him. No other Westerner around..... Shit what do I do ?
I remember now. There was a poster that explained it all at the end of the retreat. I was too busy listening to this guy's hilarious dreams during the silent retreat that I only took a picture of it.

Shit can't read anything. 3 hours later I managed to decipher 3 key words . '' Ranong'' ''10 american dollars'' '' pier''

The next day ( today) , me and my small backpack were waiting for the bus 8am.9am. '' Only God knows when bus comes'' in this country so better not ask. 9.45am THE bus! No Ranong No. Then took off. That's when I saw a hot lost English guy with the cuttest accent getting off.

Thank God you heard my prayers.Who needs a new visa when you can.... Oh well this Living in a monastery is getting to my head.

How uuuuuu doin'?

Very interesting story he had. Well until the '' My wife is Thai'' bit.

When is that damn bus coming. In 14 hours i'm an illegal immigrant hiding with nuns and monks. So much for Buddhist philosophy.

10.05 THE bus.

4 hours later I had my passport checked for the first time by a Military guy who got on the bus to check.I turn my head and look around : I'm the only westerner on this local bus. If one gets kicked out....

Why am I so paranoid? You would if your ex got banned from the UK and sent back to Kiwi land in 48h as he was coming back from a short trip in France. You would if the immigration officer had called you that day and asked you every possible question about your relationship. When/ where / how we met ( guys, that's THE good reason to remember dates like the first kiss or engagement day. Just if one day your partner gets detained by the British customs and you're the only one who can help. I failed at question 16 '' If he gets 3 more months in the UK Are you sure you will follow him in New Zealand after that?'' I said '' I might'' . Wrong answer. Well I never did, follow, in the end.

Another case : '' Where is Apple Struddle ?'' an Austrian friend I met in Australia.
''Oh you haven't heard? He tried to get back yesterday but Australia deported him. To New Zealand.
Oh shit. Wait , it gets worse.
And New Zealand deported him to Germany. All his stuff is still in Oz. Including a Motorbike
Another one bites the dust.

Anyway the Old Thai sitting next to me mumbles something that must have meant '' Don't worry mate'' so I did not.

Passed the first test.

Arriving in Ranong I started seeing men moving their wrist in a very strange way when looking at me. I heard before that it was not obscene it just mean '' visa stamp'' .
I say yes , getting off the bus but then he was gone and so was the bus. Lovely. Then I saw this most hated sign that I promised to only use in case of an emergency. '' Tourist office'' . Today WAS an emergency.

I shook my hand saying visa in an awful Thai accent and he replied '' please take the bus 6 to the Pier'' in a perfect English. Of course.

'' You 10 Americain dollars?'' a young kid ask me on arrival

Why would I have that with me HERE??????

How much? he asks.

So I get the choose the value of a tenner. I like this game. 300. No. 500. no 400. I got the last word. I BARGAINED a 10 dollar note yay. I have no idea why.

I get my stamp out and bargain a barge trip to Burma. Which must be the only country in the world that has 2 bloody names. To add to my confusion. Myanmar Whatever.

45 minutes later, me my passport and my 10 dollar note arrive in Burma slash Myanmar.

'' You have 10 minutes'' the immigration guy tells me as he was stamping me in the country and taking my tenner ( will forever wonder why 10 American dollars..... )

What do you do in 10 minutes in Burma? You go to the most disgusting toilet in the world and you fall in love with a 10 year old kid who tells you '' francais? Bonjour. You beautiful . Nice to meet you '' I took a picture of him. Could not resist. And no , he did not ask for money.

Back on the barge I start chatting in broken Thai English to this couple. He is Thai. she's from Laos and because she wants to stay and live with him she does the visa run every month. And he goes with her. She shows me her passport with a million Burma stamps on it. How sweet.
That's probably why the Thai customs stamped her back in until 12th September and stamped ME back until the 29th Aug . Logic? None. the 10 American dollar syndrome.

'' You hotel?'' the couple asks me.
'' no plan''
'' You telephone?''
''no''
The guy seemed more shocked that I did not have a mobile than that I come from half way round the country by myself and does not have a hotel booked. That is like the 10 dollar thing , I will never know why.

So they drive me to town , find a hotel for me. give me their number and left. I've got no idea where I am and don't know how I'll get back to the monastery tomorrow.

And that 's what I was thinking walking down the street in Ranong. That people are good . If you're open that is. That's probably why I looked so beautiful.......






Friday 12 August 2011

They wanna make me go to rehab....

Dear ex employers and ex boyfriends. Yes I can NOT talk for 10 days. You just had to lock me in a Buddhist monastery in Southern Thailand. It was as simple as that. Damn. Yes I suffered.

The silence? It was great...


Welcome to the 10 day meditation retreat In Suan Mokk International monastery. Please leave all temptation at reception. No music, no books , no writing , no mobile phones , no computer.

( My bag got a LOT lighter then)

You will find your mosquito net and your wooden pillow in the common room.
Wooden.. What?


'' it's the first 10 days that are the most difficult'' said Roy , my favourite 60 year old Brit with dread locks. He's done it before. He tried to warn me but I never believe the Brits. They're always having you on. Not this time.

We entered silence at 7pm that night. So we could just stare blankly at each other as we found out that our mattress was pure concrete. No it did not feel like concrete. It WAS concrete. We could always cry on the wooden pillow without leaving any marks though. That was the good thing.

'' Body no need happy at night. Body sleeps'' our favourite Thai monk told us. Yeah that makes sense. Bloody Bhuddist wisdom.

Silence was bliss for the first couple of days. When you've worked in Hospitality and devoted your life ( as only Kipps backpackers hostels staff would do )to guests from all around the world for the last 3 years, you can only take that as a treat when you are surrounded by them and can't talk.
'' You want to know what you can do in the area or where the freaking toilet is ? I wish I can tell you but... I CAN'T TALK!!!!!! HAHAHAH ( nasty revenge laugh)

It's not the silence that was hard for me. Or the cement bed. or the fact that we had wash with a bucket and water from the well. And wake up at 4am every morning. Or even the 2 meals a day.

It was about following rules in silence. ME. NOT. SURRENDER.
I hated that guy who was wearing a Tee shirt that read ''OBEY'' almost everyday ( He became a very good aussie friend in the days that followed the end of the retreat. Sorry mate)

Each time I heard the bell or had to listen to yet another person giving a speech for hours as we were sitting there on the ground pretending we could do the full lotus with every bit of our body aching . with no freedom of speech was a sort of purgatory for my french side.

So.. I took part in the french revolution in a past life and was now punished for it. Is that right?

Yes , that's the sort of thing you are thinking about when you can't talk. You think about crazy shit. I even heard the Marseillaise, my national anthem each time we had to obey to yet another thing. Wake up to the bell at 4am. Marseillaise. 1 hour sitting meditation. Marseillaise. 1 hour yoga. 1 hour Monk Speech ( called Dhamma talk) . Give me that damn breakfast or I will do the revolution. NO FREE TIME.

That's when I saw that french woman's tee that said '' I am not moaning I am expressing myself'' I knew I was not the only one.

'' Meditation is NOT a cheap way to get high'' said our beloved British coordinator that I will call Ken here on the first day.

There was a few '' have I been lied to ? '' kind of looks. A few drop outs followed too.

Did I tell you what meditation is all about? D.I.S.C.I.P.L.I.N.E. Following your breath and watch your thinking. Do not get invloved in it.

Concentrating on your breath is a good way to train your mind so it does what it's told. The big goal is to avoid attachement to anything or anyone as all situations are impermanent anyway. If you do get attached it will lead to '' Ducca '' (suffering). Achieve detachement and you'll be in ''Nibbana'' , a state of pure joy. So guys, discipline your minds and love your life and other.( see I was not sleeping the WHOLE time during Dhamma talks. Point for me: 10)

Then wisdom will come. Or sleep. Or something totally unexpected like you stand up and go and hug trees and talk to ants. They are so beautiful.... ( cries) . I remember one day when we all gathered in awe around a flower that just blossomed. I suspect even guys cried. I was talking to Spiders from day 5. Fear just goes away as you get back to Nature. Amazing really.

So basically MY mind went like that :

Day 1: Silence is gold mate. But it's too loud. I did not choose it. Biggest headache ever. I had to skip a class. Damn , I've got fever too. Oh, what's that? Tea against fever. Awesome. I'll have some. Yuk. What does it also say ? '' LAXAT..'' Craaaap. I soon understood why this place was called ''the garden of liberation''

Day 2: you can't expect a bunch of women to keep a vow of silence when there are spiders and deadly scorpions involved. Each time we hear a shout we all run with our best loving kindness to the room where the crime took place and try hard to remember that we signed a paper that said '' Please do not kill any living being.'' And no, it was no just each other.

Day 3 : How can you NOT kill a mosquito for biting you constantly just as you were starting to meditate for 8 minutes in a row during a 3 hour group session. Everyone seems to be so concentrated. Or asleep. The Thai girl behind me has not moved for 2days.

Day 4 : Anyone gave food to the Thai girl? How can anyone sits there for hours just because they are told to. How is that wise. Bunch of ignorant people. I know better. I will NOT do what I'm told. I will find MY OWN WAY.

Day 5 : I can't sit still for more than 2.5 minutes now. It was either I heard something hilarious or I jump into the pond with a heavy stone attached to my 2 feet. Or I could still jump in with the Thai girl who still has not moved. That's when my prayer was answered . British humor saved my life. Once again. The funniest man on this planet is a British dude from Bristol who decided to become a Bhuddist monk in Thailand.
ANd we were lucky enough to listen to him everyday. The king of guy who just shows up for a 1 hour long speech with no notes and makes it all up.

'' Where do you go after death? Don't know... Australia probably. For sure I don't want go to hell, I've lived in the UK for too long'' Then I started thinking about my ideal life with him in the mountain eating 2 meals a day and laugh until the end of time (or our next life)

Day 6. 2 meals a day and guess what they give us for dessert? Durian fruit. Now imagine the smelliest camembert ever. Plus your dirtiest socks. You're not even close to durian. I'm sure the staff was crying out of laughter as they were hiding watching us eating it because we had to. Very funny.

Day 7,8 : I'm getting attached to detachement. How do you achieve this wisdom. It's freaking painful to be a human being. I want to ve free again. Can hardly describe the intensity of the pain. ( and it was not just my bottom that hurt) Now the Thai girl is smiling in a full lotus position. Glad she is still alive.

Day 9 only were allowed 1 meal a today. the British Monk decided to describe a pizza for half an hour. He even told us how to break out to go and buy it.
I decided I would stop meditating and try to guess people's nationalities. More fun. Can't achieve anything anymore.

Day 10 '' meditation is not about achieving anything, it's about letting go off things'' the note on the white board said. Now why did not you say it before???? It would have saved me 10 days.......
7pm we can talk again. The german girl was actually Dannish , the french woman was from Belgium and the Italian guy was australian.

Guess who did NOT want to talk that night? The french, yes. I was probably the last one to use my voice that day.

7.30pm We could give public speech about our experience. I was expecting people to talk about their great meditation sensations and skills but no. Instead it was only hilarious speeches about how they all wanted to kill everyone and themselves after loving everyone and themselves. No one had any answers. But... what was the question anyway?

That's when we all let go and realised how close we all got to each other in Silence. We were friends beyond words, names , nationalities. We had developped something insanely deep and what were we all doing? Making ourselves suffer for no reason.

I WAS FREE THE WHOLE TIME.

My 10 days were justified when a couple of girls told me that I smiled at them or made them laugh with crazy sign language RIGHT at the time they wanted to quit. So they did not. Yes I WAS FREE THE WHOLE TIME.

And we chatted away for a long , long time , united with this incredible bond. Pain? What pain? We can't remember. We could only see our liberation. We even lost 2 kilos. What more to ask. We did not even ask for names. We were far beyond that, mate.

My speech in the end simply said '' Guys, I've got it now.tomorrow seems like a good day 1 ... right? What time do we start? It was a pleasure to NOT talk to you for 10 days. Day 1 of the first day of our lives. Good luck and... See you soon... in Nibbana''

Many people came to me the next day and ask me about what sort of Day 1 I was planning for myself. Without thinking I said :

" I'm staying to live here in the mosnastery for a while. Because now, I don't HAVE TO anymore, i just WANT TO''

Bloody French.

Marseillaise.